Close the Gate

I like to think that I don't have many actual pet peeves, being the easy-going, laid-back kinda guy I am. But I confess that the overused, underthought use of the "-gate" suffix to affix to any sniff of a political scandal drives me batty. Mostly it's the laziness of the thing that gets on my nerves. Can't our pundits and reporters be any more creative, have any more fun than simply calling something stupid-gate?

So I was delighted to read Eric Zorn's column in the Chicago Tribune today where he's offering up a contest to name the Rod Blogojevich scandal . . . without a gate! Here are his options:

Corruptapalooza -- Crisp and to the point. The (your concept here) + (apalooza) conceit is fairly recent, at least by "-gate" standards. The Lollapalooza music festivals began in 1991, at it was some years after that the the apaloozapalooza began.
Teapot Dumb -- The Teapot Dome political bribery scandal, which this is a play on, truly is ancient history. It rocked the administation of Warren G. Harding in the mid 1920s. And there are no teapots -- yet -- in our current scadal. But "dumb" just says it all.
Imblaglio -- "Imbroglio" is a relatively unfamilar word -- the kind of word you might encounter on the SAT -- meaning an extremely confused, embarassing, tangled situation. You don't actually pronounce the "g" -- "im-BRO-lyo" is correct -- so this name works more on a visual rather than aural level. "Im-BLAH-lyo" lacks the signature syllable of the scandal; "Im-Blag-lyo" is a forced play on "imbroglio." Still...
gBay -- Short, sweet, modern and apt. The allusion combines one of Blagojevich's nicknames in the press, GRod, with the Internet auction site eBay.com. It reminds us that most of the elements of this scandal involve governmental favors allegedly up for the highest bid.

These are all outstanding options (my personal favorite being gBay seeing as how it both encapsulates the scandal and is fun to say). See how much better they are? Look at the creativity! References to history! Pop Culture! The Internet! Think of all we've lost putting up with such lousy scandal names as plamegate and troopergate. All the while we could have been discussing The Outing or Palinpalooza. Pundits of the world: Hear my cry! Don't allow the weak, short hand of the -gate conspiracy suck you in again!